Monday, November 24, 2008

A script for College Bball fans

Characters:

Bill Rafferty
Jay Bilas
Sean McDonough
Jimmy
Karl Ravech
Jason
Mike Brey

EXT. BEAUTIFUL REEFS. The camera...ah, who cares? It's freaking Hawaii!

INT. A BASKETBALL ARENA. Players in crimson and others in white warm up. The camera pans to three men in Hawaiian shirts. One is tall, one is funny looking, and the third can best be described as "a voice." They are the broadcast team.


Sean: Welcome etc.
Jay: Intelligent comment.
Bill: Thing that doesn't make sense.
Sean: Reasonable Commentary.
Jay: Insightful contribution.
Sean: Straight-talk about a good play.
Bill: (growls) NAME! UNINTELLIGIBLE WORD!
Sean: Jimmy has something for us on the sidelines.
Jimmy: I pestered the heck out of the coaches, and they told me "I'm tryin' to coach here."
Jay: I love Tom Crean.
Sean: Relevant pleasantry.
Jay: Excellent post play!
Bill: THING THAT'S ACTUALLY RELEVANT SHOUTED FAR TOO LOUDLY!
Sean: Stalkerish comment about player's family.
Guy at home: Harangody's mom is hot.
Sean: They're about to head into the locker room, Notre Dame with a 19 point lead. Jimmy's with Mike Brey.
Jimmy: How do you feel about this half?
Mike Brey: We're better than they are.



INT. A FUTURISTIC, DOOFISH LOOKING NEWS STUDIO. The camera focuses on two men, a self-important d-bag alongside your average sports anchor.

Karl: I'm important, and he's not.
Jason: Yes I am. Jerk.
Karl: Irrelevant side story to fill time.
Jason: Man I hate this job.


INT. THE BASKETBALL ARENA. Play resumes.

Sean: We're back.
Jay: Continued smart basketball point.
Bill: (mouth foaming) BUCKETS! ONIONS! BUCKETS OF ONIONS!
Jay: Homoerotic comment about players, or possibly Tom Crean.
Sean: Filler comment to distract from boring, lopsided game.
Bill: (emits gurgling sound, then) LITTLE KISS! NAME! BASKETBALL! STRANGE NOISE THAT MIGHT BE A WORD!
Jay: Bill, the game's over.

Bill: Buckets?

..scene..

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